It was confusing and full of hummus
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
