New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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