There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
