dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
