I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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