If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
