There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
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I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
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Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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