Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
