I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
