He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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