I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
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