she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
