That's intense
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
