for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
