It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
