I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
