This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
