I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm always down for nudity.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
