In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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