Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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