how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
