I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
