i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
