Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Dicks are not precious.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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