I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.