I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
That's how pantless uber rides happen