actually, I'm a sock model
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
