i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
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Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
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Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.