My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line