And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
