i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
im six kinds of drunk right now
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
