Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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