I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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