i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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