my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
they're like a gay fantastic four
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
