I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
