I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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