It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
