I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
