I think I just saw someone hide a body.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
