I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Its about making memories worth repressing
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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