A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
