A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
