Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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