The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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