how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
