Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
