That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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