I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
