the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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