proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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