im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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