Well douche your snatch and let's go!
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
