I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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