and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
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I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
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There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
If I die, sorry about rent.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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