so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
