My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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