I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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