Is it normal to miss your booty call?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
