I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
