I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
