11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
