y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
