so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
tell me about the eggs
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
