it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
