Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
