he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
