Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Did I show you my penis last night?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
