in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
did you just send me my own nude
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
