So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
