standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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