I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
