just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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