i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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