Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
