I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
