Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
