and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
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Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
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The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
and you fell through a lawn chair
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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