I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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