Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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