she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
